Thursday, 27 August 2015

A Special Friend

I have agonised for a while on whether I wanted to write this post, but at the end of the day I do want it to be included in my blogbook when I get it printed..Please be warned this is a sad post.
I have felt like blogging much lately, I don't want to sew, I don't want to socialise, I don't want to do anything.  I know I must and I do try to make it look like I'm ok on the inside - I'm not.   Please don't read any further down, I don't want to depress anyone, I just thought that writing this might be a way of dealing with this sadness I am feeling. 
You see I have been very fortunate in my life to have quite a few friends that I regard in my heart as family and this lovely lady is no exception..
Lynne, Chrissy and myself met when my eldest son started pre-school - oh some 20 years ago, and we have always regarded ourselves as "chosen family" - you know the ones you choose as family,
and sisters is what we have always felt like. 
Chrissy was diagnosed with leukemia  the Christmas before last and has been fighting it none stop since then.  Last month she was informed that she has 9-12months left in this world and to tell you the truth - I am just gutted. 
I know all the reasons why I should be grateful to have had her in my life, and that I get to spend more time with her before the end but I feel just so miserable.  And I am angry, so angry, this person was suppose to stay in my life, she is suppose to see her two kids get married and to hold and meet her grandchildren for the first  time.  She tells me she has accepted it, and I know she is right but that doesn't mean I have to like it. 
I told you not to read this, it really is just for me, something to help me work through it all, a kind of process I am hoping might help.   Venting  with written words instead of holding it in. 
Lynne and I have been helping her - prepare - for afterwards, sorting through her photo's and putting them into albums for her kids, finding new bed linen for the beds for when her family come down from Innisveil for the funeral (this was Chrissy's idea - so typical - trying to look after everyone even when she will be gone)..  
I know I have to pull my act together and I am putting on my brave face even when my heart is breaking.  I am trying to sew but just don't find I have the patience or concentration for it at the moment, I am trying not to cancel on too many social outings and to not climb into bed and stay there for ever and I am hoping that by writing this it will help me - what? - perk up - get over it - find a way to deal with it - I don't know but I know writing has helped me in my younger days so maybe it will help me now.  I love with all my heart that Chrissy is a part of my life. 
Please if you have read down to here - I will be alright - I just needed to get some stuff out of my head - I do not want to make anyone sad.  I promise not to always put up sad posts and I am trying to find some inspiration in the sewing room - I do know that I have heaps of great friends and - no I wont way it - oh ok yes I will - I love you all...
I promise to make my next post uplifting - I will add something funny and something sewn..I will
be pull myself out of this.  
Thanks for listening.